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I recently came across an anonymous quote: “A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men.” There are a slew of variations of this quote in books or on the internet, but in general, they capture the same idea. The role a dad plays in his daughter’s life is huge. She learns a great deal about her value as a person from her dad. She learns how men should treat women by watching her dad’s interaction with her mom and her. She has her earliest emotional needs for love, security, and acceptance met by her dad. This i...
Years ago, while out driving with my future wife, I got a flat tire. This would normally not be a big deal, except the freezing rain and the busy road where we pulled over made tire changing less than pleasant. When I finished changing the tire and lowered the car off the jack, I discovered that my spare tire was also flat. I was already frustrated and responded badly to the new problem. My wife often reminds me that I hit the hood of the car with the tire iron. This did little to fix the tire or improve the appearance of my rusty old car, but...
I recently watched a lecture delivered to a group of hospice workers that was being delivered by a retired teacher who was dealing with terminal cancer. He opened his talk with a quote: “I can complain that the rose bush has thorns, or I can be grateful that the thorn bush has flowers.” It’s a profound statement on its own, but given that it was shared by a gentleman who was living out his last days, dealing with chemotherapy, in failing health, and witnessing his family and friends mourning his impending death; the quote is noticeably weigh...
My daughter loves wearing dresses, jewelry, nail polish, and shoes of every style/shape/color. She loves to be surrounded by pink, frilly, sparkly, and loud things. New dresses are her idea of heaven. She will often come to me with some piece of jewelry she has been given or an outfit in order to explain why this is her favorite thing in the world. No amount of explaining seems to be adequate to help her understand that everything can’t be her favorite. That’s okay, because she is full of excitement and pride, which is more important than tho...
A few years ago, I read “Standing for Something” by Gordon Hinkley. In it, he looks at virtues that are largely neglected in our culture. He argues that the key to happiness is in living according to these virtues. One of those virtues is selfless service. “The best antidote I know for worry is work. The best cure for weariness is the challenge of helping someone who is even more tired. One of the great ironies of life is this: He or she who serves almost always benefits more than he or she who is served.” Essentially, he argues that selfles...
It is fun to watch my 2-year old boy eat. Anything with frosting or sauce is immediately spread all over his face, shirt, pants, and anything within arms reach. When we visit restaurants, I often want to put down a tarp to catch his crumbs and splashes. Imagine if my boy, covered in food, were to turn to me and complain that I had a speck of food in my beard. It would be funny, largely because a child did it. The same messiness in an adult, with the same acknowledgement of food in my beard, would be funny for a different reason. In the Sermon...
Every January, for the last 4 years, I have written columns about New Years Resolutions. For the most part, these columns have talked about why most resolutions are unsuccessful, offered suggestions regarding strategies for succeeding at changing habits/behaviors, and looked at what the Bible says about change. This year, as I was writing my annual New Year’s column, I had a humbling realization. I will be 40 this year and I have never made a resolution or tried to change anything based on a January 1st urge to “live better this year.” I confes...
While preparing Good Friday this year, I read a book by Arthur Pink dealing with the various things Jesus said while dying on the cross. One of Jesus’ final words spoken on the cross was a simple phrase: “I thirst.” The book describes this phrase as being a reflection of the same thing people all over the world are crying out, every day, as they go about their lives. They chase wealth, success, the perfect home, the perfect family experience, entertainment, sex, and the next novel thing or experience. The book I read was written in the late...
A few years ago, my younger brother shared a piece of wisdom with me that I have repeated dozens of times since. My brother is one of the youngest vice-presidents for the largest investment bank in the world. He is also married with 3 sons. He was telling me about other folks he watches at work, who had adopted expensive hobbies and were living way above their means. They are choosing lifestyles that required more and more success to sustain. He told me all of these things in the context of a conversation about his decision to limit his work...
In 1945, C.S. Lewis wrote “We live… in a world starved for solitude, silence, and private: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship.” He goes on to describe how times of reading and reflecting are increasingly replaced by busyness and constant noise. In the same vein, he talks about the increasingly common ownership of home radios, which intrudes on silence. People simply have less quiet time, and with it, less time to reflect and think. There’s always some sort of noise or distraction. If this was true in the 40s, it is cert...
In Paul’s two letters to the church in Corinth, there is a scandalous event that is addressed. 1 Corinthians is basically a letter that addresses a laundry list of questions from the church, probably asked in a letter he had received from the church. One question concerns a man who had become romantically involved with his father’s wife, his own step-mother. The church had already talked to the guy about his behavior and he was uninterested in changing. Paul’s direction for the church is pretty straightforward: show the guy the door. Don’t...
Easter is a few weeks away and churches all over the world are turning their attention to the final weeks leading up to Jesus’ arrest, trial, execution, and resurrection. John’s account of the events is unique because he gives more details regarding Jesus’ words during the last supper, including a prayer Jesus prayed before he was arrested. There is a line in this prayer that is important, but often overlooked. Praying for his followers he says: “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that th...
For the last couple of months, my family has faced some challenges as a result of illness. These challenges have put us into a position where we have strained a bit under the basic tasks of life. Perhaps the best thing that has come of this time in our life has been that folks have rushed to assist us. Last night, a couple of friends from church, while visiting, took the time to clean my kitchen and wash dishes. In addition, brothers and sisters in Jesus have brought us prepared meals, helped out with our kids, sent us cards, and in all sorts o...
Would anyone reading this give their kids a plate full of gravel when they ask for a sandwich? Or would anyone give their kids a live rattlesnake when they ask for lunch? “Of course not!” is the obvious answer. Jesus used these questions as an illustration as to why we can trust God to answer our prayers and requests for help. If God is better than us, then we can probably trust Him to take care of His children, meaning us. This is a paraphrase of Christ’s words, and I’m being a little simple in my treatment of the teaching because I’m going to...
The book of Proverbs, in the Old Testament, is a collection of sayings used by ancient Jews for instruction. Some proverbs sound a little like fortune cookie sayings, but they are packed with a great deal of wisdom and applied knowledge, based on timeless and eternal principles. There are a pair of proverbs that appear in chapter 21 that resonate with many men: “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” and “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” It would be easy to read...
Audrey Hepburn once said of herself: “I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.” While Audrey Hepburn may have been particularly exceptional in this sense, there is an essential truth about women in this quote. It is a truth that, if understood properly, can greatly equip husbands to enhance their relationships with their wives. Last week’s column introduced the idea that men and women have different primary emotional needs. In the next couple of columns, we will be looking at those needs more in depth. The...
The Beatles once sang: “All you need is love.” While I love the Beatles, this is just incorrect when it comes to marriage. The fact is that men and women are wired differently and don’t interact with the world in the same ways. In Ephesians, Paul wrote a line that contains amongst the most disputed concepts in my 18 years as a teacher/preacher: “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” I find that many people argue over the meaning of this line and whether or not it’s the...
“In quarreling, the truth is often lost.” Originally written in Latin a couple of millennia ago, this adage is as true today as it was when it was first thought up. I’ve recognized the truth of this idea, particularly in observing arguments and conflicts in marriages. Most fights between spouses start over fairly minor issues, but really get rolling when perceptions of the other’s attitudes, thoughts, or actions throw gas on the tiny spark that is the initial issue. A tone of voice or word choice is perceived as disrespectful or unlovin...
With the New Year days away, many people set out to make resolutions to improve themselves in the coming year. Sadly, most folks will not succeed in their efforts. An article recently published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology explored this phenomenon. Several potential reasons for the lack of success people experience with resolutions were explored, including the idea that resolutions are primarily an attempt at self-motivation, which fall short when the person making the resolution isn’t actually motivated to make long term changes in t...
The story of the birth of Jesus is an interesting one, but can be difficult to understand and appreciated to the fullest because of the huge cultural difference that separates us from the events. There is a great deal of scandal embedded in the original nativity scene, and it translates into great news for us today. Before exploring the idea, it’s important to understand that sanitizing the shocking elements of the story is more an accident of history than an act of deception. For example, when you hear about the shepherds watching their flocks...
A few years back, a study was done with children, in which young boys and girls were placed by themselves in a room, in front of a mirror. Before long, most of the little girls began to talk to themselves in the mirror. Whereas, the boys looked in the mirror and began to pretend to shoot at themselves, pretend to be an airplane, or some other sort of active play that they watched themselves engage in. In addition, the boys became distracted, losing interest in the mirror, and began looking around at their surroundings. The experiment...
