Many years ago, I had a coworker that I could not stand to be around, though our jobs required us to work with each other in a variety of settings. This resulted in frequent conflict. In fact, there were several occasions when work devolved into shouting matches. Needless to say, this made my work environment miserable, and that misery often leaked into other areas of my life. I often left work angry and spent my evenings stewing over some insult or altercation. After many months of this, I decided to start praying for the guy, not because I particularly wanted to or because he deserved it. Rather, I did it because I felt stuck in the situation. One day, while praying for him, I read Jesus’ instructions about doing good to people that wrong you, and my mind instantly connected my ongoing conflict with this teaching. In reality, I hadn’t acted in harmony with those parts of Jesus’ teachings at all. So, I begrudgingly began to apply them. I looked for ways to make my coworker’s life better. I even spent an afternoon repairing the guy’s car because he couldn’t afford to pay a shop to do the repairs. The strangest thing happened as I started doing these things. Somehow my work life got less miserable, and I actually managed to get along with a man who had previously made my life very difficult. From this experience, I learned an important lesson that is spelled out more explicitly in the Bible, specifically 1 John 4. John tells his readers that we know what Love is because God loved us first, when we are most unlovable. He does this because it is in his nature to love. That love God offers us first, changes us to the core of our beings. It makes us more like Him, in the sense that we become able to love other folks with the same unselfish nature. I often tell people that the job God gives them to do is to love other folks (their neighbors, spouse, kids, coworkers, etc.) when they don’t deserve it. Retaliation against folks we hate will ultimately only result in building up our defenses and engaging in future battles. Possibly worse, choosing our direction based on our enemy’s actions gives our enemy control over who we are and how we live. They determine our path because we respond to theirs. This is a recipe for misery in your life. Loving other folks because that is in our nature, rather than as a reaction to their behaviors gives us control and provides us an opportunity to solve the stalemate that can set in and make us miserable. I have spoken with many people who have told me that they will love their husband or wife when they start acting in a way that they deserve to be loved. The problem is, that love that is earned isn’t love. This is one of the major tenets of Jesus’ teachings on how we ought to treat others. We love them. Period. This doesn’t mean we feel warm and fuzzy toward them. Rather, it means that we willfully act in ways that are loving and serve their needs. It’s a difficult task that I would argue can only be accomplished through God’s help.
