In 1906, San Francisco suffered through an earthquake which caused enormous damage and many deaths. Among the destroyed structures was the Memorial Arch that stood in the quad of Leland Stanford University. The arch had been a very large structure, and it appeared to be quite sturdy. When the earthquake hit, the otherwise impressive monument crumbled, damaged so severely that it was necessary to tear it down entirely. Part of the reason it was necessary to tear it down was that the earthquake revealed that the arch was really quite flimsy, built mainly of unreinforced bricks and decorated with a facade that created the illusion of sturdiness. Further, the foundation was discovered to have been built from faulty materials. The earthquake that destroyed it simply revealed the reality of the building’s poor construction. There is a saying that is often repeated in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings: “You are only as sick as your secrets.” The Memorial Arch demonstrates this principle well. It looked like it was built to last, but inside it was hollow and flimsy. There are all sorts of folks whose lives are like the Memorial Arch. They present a very solid image to those around them, but inside, they harbor secrets that are slowly eating away at their hearts and souls. I have known many folks who hide addictions to alcohol or pornography, but do their best to show a different image to their families and neighbors. Hidden cracks in life are not limited to addictions. Depression, chronic anger, loneliness, marital struggles, past hurt that doesn’t seem to heal, and all manner of other hidden cracks sit just below the surface. The problem with hidden hurts, behaviors, and struggles is that as long as they stay hidden they tend to never get better. Even worse, they tend to get worse over time because the fear of getting found out adds fuel to the fire. The most effective way to deal with many of these sorts of issues is to drag them into the light before an earthquake hits and destroys our lives. There is a great saying that I have found myself using recently: “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.” Basically, if you keep repeating your behavior patterns, then you’ll continue to live your life the way it has always been. Many problems are relatively easy to deal with when aided by a friend, counselor, or pastor. Often, simply talking about the struggle with someone you trust is enough to kickstart change. What stands in the way of that type of honesty is the fear of other people knowing that we are imperfect or that revealing our true selves will result in disaster. The strange thing is that most people struggle with their own problems and are sympathetic. Further, in my experience, open and honest talk is the surest way to build closer relationships. The hard part is taking the first steps toward being open or seeking help.
