Q: I hate to admit this, but my wife and I never got along, and when she died last year I wasn’t all that sorry. But now I desperately miss her. I wish I could make up for those lost years. What’s wrong with me?
A: One reason I wanted to reprint your letter is because I hope it will cause other husbands (and wives) to re-evaluate their marriages, and do everything they possibly can to strengthen them—before it’s too late. Even if your letter only touches one person, it will be worth it.
Why do you miss your wife so deeply? I can think of several reasons—but you’ve already put your finger on one of them: regret. You know your marriage wasn’t what it could have been, and you deeply regret that you didn’t do more to reduce the tensions in your marriage and grow closer to your wife. May you take your regret and your guilt and lay them at the foot of Jesus’ cross.
Love—true love—isn’t just an emotional feeling; it is also an act of the will, in which we decide to put others and their needs ahead of ourselves. In other words, true love sometimes involves sacrifice on our part. This is the kind of love Christ has for us—a love so deep that He was willing to give His life for our salvation. The Bible says, “Love is patient, love is kind. … It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).
You can’t change the past—but with God’s help you can change the future. Turn to Christ for the forgiveness you need, and then invite Him to come into your life and make you into the person He wants you to be. When we know Christ, we are never alone.
Q: My husband is in the military and on his second deployment overseas. I know his work is important and all that, but it’s been really hard on our two children and me. Please pray for us, because it’s tough being alone all the time.
A: Today is Veterans Day in the United States, a special day that has been set aside to honor all those who have kept our nation free through their military service.
The Bible says, “Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Honor one another” (Romans 12:9-10).
Today we also honor all those like your husband who are currently on active duty in the military. We live in a dangerous and complex world, and without their sacrifice and dedication our lives would be far different from what they actually are. I know every reader of this column is grateful for those like your husband who continue to defend our nation from its enemies.
Freedom is not an accident; it only remains strong if we defend it and use it responsibly.
But your letter also reminds us of the sacrifice you and countless other families have made (and are making) on behalf of our men and women in the military. I hope every reader will pause to thank
God for the families of our service personnel (including their parents and other relatives), and to ask God to encourage them and give them His peace.
These are, I know, difficult days for you. But God knows what you’re going through, and He loves you and watches over you. Commit your burdens—and your whole life—into Christ’s hands, and thank Him for His presence with you every day. His promise is true: “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).
Q: The most difficult person I know claims to be a Christian, although she’s always negative and critical of everyone and not at all pleasant to be around. If that’s what Christians are like, then I don’t want to be one.
A: If this is the way Christians were supposed to be, then I doubt if anyone would want to become one! Jesus rebuked the joyless religious hypocrites of His day who caused their converts to become “twice as much a child of hell as you are” (Matthew 23:15).
But listen: This isn’t the way Christians are supposed to be! Only God knows this person’s heart, of course; she might be even more difficult if she weren’t a Christian (if in fact she is). But don’t be misled by the failures of a few. Instead, look at Jesus Christ— and when you do, you’ll realize something entirely different: God loves you, and He wants to fill you with His love. Your life will never be the same once you realize this truth.
How do I know God loves us? I know it because Jesus Christ came into the world to deal with our greatest problem—which is ourselves. You may see yourself as a good person—certainly better than this woman. But if you’re honest, you know you fall short— short of your own standards, but most of all, short of God’s standard.
God could have just left us alone—but He didn’t. Instead, He came into the world in the person of Jesus Christ to erase our sins through His death on the cross.
And when we open our hearts and lives to Him, He comes to live within us and change us. May this happen to you. Jesus said, “I am making everything new!” (Revelation 21:5).
