In the last several years of writing this column, I’ve mentioned my High School English teacher several times. Every time it was to talk about how much her efforts as a teacher meant to me as a student. This is particularly the case since I was a very poor student. I didn’t really try at all, but she put a effort into engaging and encouraging me. It would have been much easier to simply write me off, but her efforts made a difference in my life. A couple years ago, when I talked about this teacher, a good friend of mine approached me and encouraged me to reach out to that particular teacher to let her know what her efforts meant to me. My friend, a retired educator himself, explained that teachers don’t hear that sort of thing nearly often enough and that it makes a huge difference to them. I will confess that I agreed with his thoughts, but didn’t act on them at the time. A few weeks ago, I found myself thinking about that teacher. I did some google searching and found her email address. I wrote a thank you note. After several weeks, I figured I wouldn’t hear from her. Last night, I received an email from my former English teacher telling me that the note brought tears to her eyes, and that it was a big deal to hear what kind of a difference she made in my life. Reflecting on the response, it occurred to me that we often fail to express gratitude or tell folks how we feel about them or their efforts. This happens with people at nearly every part of our lives. I think it’s a big deal to teachers because they spend their careers investing in young people. It’s not the sort of work you choose to make a lot of money, but rather because you care about people. If a teacher is or has made an impact on your life, it’s a small investment on your part to tell them what it meant to you. For them, it can be a huge encouragement.
Another relationship that often goes without praise or expressions of gratitude are those in our immediate family. I have spoken to husbands, wives, daughters, and sons who want, more than anything else, to hear a few words from some other member of the family. This is especially important for fathers to understand. My 5-year old son often asks me if I’m proud of him. When I realized how important it was to him, I began telling him that I’m proud of him for the things he does. It’s cute when a 5-year old does it. It’s heart-breaking to hear a 20-year old say that they just wish their dad would tell them he’s proud. It’s often hard for men to understand the value of such things because we aren’t as verbal. This is why married men often fall out of the habit of telling their spouse they love them or that they’re pretty, or that they enjoy spending time with their spouse. It’s a little thing, requiring almost no effort, but the impact is enormous. If you doubt the truth of this, take a few minutes to write a note to your wife or kids saying “I love you” or “I’m proud of you.” Folks are often surprised at how much of a response such things bring about. This truth applies to everyone. A few well-placed gratitudes can be like rain during a drought: reinvigorating a soul that is drying out.
