My wife and I enjoy doing Escape Rooms. These are games where you are locked in a room and have an hour to escape by solving puzzles that provide you with keys, combinations, or directions for escaping the room. We have done a dozen or so over the years in different cities around the country and love the challenge of solving problems together. Last night, we did one in Billings while on vacation. I watched as one of the gals we were doing the puzzle room with made an interesting mistake. It is one I’ve observed frequently in the past. She faced a problem in the game and tried the same solution over and over, thinking that it would turn out different next time. When encouraged to try to think differently, she argued that it would work next time. She got stuck in a rut that prevented her from trying something new to solve her problem. This is a pretty typical thing for people in every area of life. We encounter a problem, then try the same solution over and over, thinking that it will turn out different next time. This is a little like looking for a lost item in the same place over and over, even though you know it won’t be there this time, just like it wasn’t the last time. I know folks who get frustrated with their kids and resort to shouting rather than trying different parenting approaches. I have plenty of friends who, in trying to lose weight, jump from one fad diet to the next, swearing that this new fad diet will solve their problems. We live in a culture of people who are fundamentally unhappy, but tell themselves that the next new toy will make them content in a lasting way. This is best seen in the alcoholic who experiences stress, anxiety, or loss and chooses to drink to escape it. The lie he tells himself is that this time, it’ll make life better. In reality, it will never ever work.
One problem with this sort of thinking rut is that it is difficult to get out of without an outside nudge. We often need people who can say: “Stop and think” to us and nudge us in a different direction than the one we are engaged in. Otherwise, we are stuck doing the same thing until we finally get sick of repeating the pattern and give up or look for outside guidance. These are supremely difficult because our brains tend to like repeating patterns for dealing with the world and because it takes a lot of humility to stop and say: I am not managing this situation well.
The good thing about this pattern is that most of us have access to folks who can tell us what we are doing wrong. We have successful and wise friends or coworkers. We know people who have kept their relationships whole and healthy for decades. We have churches with wise leaders who can guide us in dealing with our difficulties. Often, we simply need someone to help us get “unstuck” from our repeating mindset and approach our puzzle in a different way. The hardest part is asking for help.
