This time of year can bring additional stress of high expectations, overcommitments, a lot to get done, etc. Perhaps misunderstandings and miscommunication add to the craziness. Under these circumstances, strong communication is key to maintaining positive relationships and interactions with others. We hear this this over and over but what does strong communication really mean?
Communication is how we send and receive messages in ways which create understanding between individuals. It is what we say and how we say it.
A majority of our communication is nonverbal—our body language, facial expressions and the tone. Nonverbal communication gives us information about the sender’s mood or intent of the message, it helps to control the conversation such as when the speaker is done talking or how long the conversation should be, and it defines the relationship between the sender and receiver. Facial expressions, eye contact, eye level and posture, if applied attentively, can make for a meaningful conversation.
Verbal communication happens in many forms for families. Conversations during family mealtime, family stories, car rides, etc, are opportunities to create family cohesion. These opportunities, however, can seem few and far between due to the busy schedules everyone seems to have. Whether intentionally finding time for these moments or, when these moments present themselves, are you really hearing what is being said? On the other side, are you feeling heard by the other person? Many times, we are thinking about how we are going to respond, how it relates to our experience or a completely different subject we have been waiting all day to say. When these thoughts take over what we should be listening to, we do not really hear the other person.
Here are some tips for improving communication skills:
1. Be present and listen more during the initial part of the conversation.
2. Paraphrase back to the person what you heard them say so you are sure you understood, and they know you understood. Their version of what was said, not yours.
3. Before giving advice, ask if it is wanted. Sometimes, the other person just wants to be heard.
4. Ask open ended questions such as “What was the best part of your day?” Reflecting on what was said, also helps open communication if the other person is being unresponsive. A statement such as “It sounds like your day was frustrating” helps to validate the other person’s feelings and lets them know you are listening. Not saying anything at all can also start a conversation.
5. When talking about a sensitive topic, try using “I” statements while saying how you feel, why you feel that way and what you would like to see happen differently. Example: “I feel unappreciated when I find clothes scattered around the house. I would like the clothes put in the clothes hamper in your room or the bathroom.” This is much less threatening than “You always leave your clothes scattered around the house and you do not care about all I try to do to keep the house neat.”
6. Allow the other person to finish talking before you say anything.
Technology has changed how we communicate with family members. As beneficial as this is, we are unable to assess nonverbal messages. Be mindful of how a nonverbal message may be interpreted and follow up in person whenever possible.
Much of the above information was taken from the “Positive Family Communication” MSU Extension MontGuide available at msuextension.org/publications/HomeHealthandFamily/MT200916HR.pdf. It also includes additional information. Additional information is available by contacting Janell at the Chouteau County Extension Office at 622-3036, janellb@montana.edu or in the Chouteau County Courthouse at 1308 Franklin St in Fort Benton.
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