Many years ago, my wife and I were on our way to a friend’s house for Christmas on a terribly cold and snowy morning in Northern Indiana. While taking a turn in our early 80s LTD, we slid on the ice and got bellied up in the snow on the side of the road. I did my best to shovel us out, but didn’t make a ton of progress. After a bit, a guy came along and helped me get the car loose. We talked for about 10 minutes while we worked. Afterward, I got into the car and explained to my wife that the guy was on his way to his ex-wife’s house. Her power was out due to the storm, and he was really worried about her and their daughter. He still loved her, didn’t want to get divorced, and was trying to fix their relationship. He shared a few more details with me as we worked. When I finished relaying the conversation I had with the complete stranger, my wife was shocked. She asked: “That guy told you all of that while you were digging out the car?” It hadn’t occurred to me, but it was a pretty personal conversation. Since then, I have observed that simply asking questions and listening to folks is enough to encourage some deeply personal disclosures. I have a theory about this. I think most people are terribly lonely and isolated. Because of this painful reality, people are often desperate to simply talk. There are lots of reasons for the level of isolation we experience. For starters, we tend to move from place to place more often, which removes us from closer relationships. Central meeting points in the community, like church, have become less prominent. This has made it harder to find places to meet and associate with people. Finally, we are so busy that we don’t make time to build relationships. This isolation is more than just an unpleasant set of circumstances. We are designed to be in community with each other and to have close relationships. Lacking those relationships breeds depression, anxiety, and all sorts of other mental health issues. I often do counseling with folks for anxiety problems and discover that they just need someone to talk openly with. A few hours of venting is enough to improve the situation. One of the tragic, unforeseen victims of the recent pandemic is found in the skyrocketing suicide rates, as increased isolation drives folks to misery. Nursing homes across the country are reporting rapid decline in seniors who are suddenly cut off from the outside world. Don’t get me wrong: Covid didn’t create isolation. It has highlighted its impact. We are starving for connection, so much so that we devour social media looking for any kind of relational connection. The solution to this is to approach life in a countercultural way. We need to put down our phones, clear space on our schedules, and make time to spend time together. Some folks lament the lack of options for developing closer relationships. I’d suggest the church, Rotary, volunteering at the food bank, or any of a dozen organizations in the area where people connect. Even scheduling time with a pastor to sit and talk is a solid option. The real trick is to actually go and find it. Facebook is a poor replacement, and surface level small talk between acquaintances won’t meet the need. I suspect the guy who helped dig me out all those years ago probably had guys he talked to, but he needed a complete stranger to vent about his more heartfelt struggles. Life should be better than that. All you need to do is take a step toward others to solve it.
