Last weekend my children and I were blessed with the opportunity to participate in the Big Sandy Community Theater play: “It’s a Madhouse.” One of the coolest moments for me took place when my daughter came out in her lawyer outfit for the first time. She looked so very mature and grown up. As a dad, it was a moment of mixed feelings. I am always so proud of her as she grows up, but also kind of sad that her childhood years are rushing past so quickly. Then on opening night, near the end of the show, my little girl and I were standing on stage together with the rest of the cast. She reached over and took my hand. My dad heart melted a little. My little girl, who looked so grown up, held my hand. I found myself wondering if it was because she was nervous to be on stage, because she happy to be doing the performance with me, or some other bonding moment. Shortly after that, she let go of my hand to walk across the stage and I noticed how hard of a time she was having walking in heels. In a burst my bubble moment I realized that she grabbed my hand for balance, rather than affection. Though I initially felt a little deflated, I later realized that giving her a hand to balance properly is one of the best jobs I get to have as a dad. Sure, it’s wonderful when my daughter loves me because I am her dad. At the same time, it is a whole other kind of blessing to be the one she trusts when things are off kilter or she is encountering challenges in her life. Walking in heels on stage in front of a crowd is just a few years removed from her first steps as a toddler when she grabbed my fingers to balance as she learned to put one foot in front of the other. Perhaps one of the best goals we can set as parents is growing a relationship with our kids where they trust us when they stumble or find their balance difficult to maintain. The days when our children take their first steps out on their own are difficult for them and for us. They need to learn to balance their lives and make wise life choices. We want to help them and protect them. The hard work in helping our children succeed as the grow more and more independent is developing the kind of relationship with them that makes it a natural thing for them to reach out and grab hold of us when they feel they might fall over. There are a few things we can do to encourage this sort of relationship with out kids. The best is time and interest. Spending quality time with them is the biggest thing. This means having conversations, listening, showing affection, being an encourager, holding them to loving accountability, teaching them to be principled, and modeling right priorities. Building trust is the key to maintaining the relationship of trust from the point where they grab your hand while taking their first steps to the day they struggle with high heels on stage to the day they take your arm as they walk down the aisle. It is wonderful. Having your kids love you and want to be close to you. Perhaps it is even more wonderful to be the one they lean on when they need some help keeping their balance.
