This weekend, I was again reminded of the value of a person's life at a funeral and realized I must express what made it so incredible. First, Don Heikkila was an incredible man. Second, his family was incredible-one in a million-and third, his staff were incredible as well.
What makes for an incredible life? Don Heikkilla was born with Cerebral Palsy and Mental Retardation, so his life was not easy. He was always required to use a wheelchair. At the age of twelve, he was moved into an institution because his mother had too many children to care for and care for Donnie's unique needs. Donnie is one of eight siblings, all born within 11 years. He never really struggled to communicate his thoughts, although he struggled to articulate them clearly. He was more intelligent than people realized, and at times, his disability made him frustrated. His family mentioned over and over that it was Donnie that made them. It was his life that made them better. Gary Hart, one of his first staff, said, "Mostly, Big Don drew people to him because he was nonjudgmental. He loved people as they were and with no expectations other than that they love him too." Gary and his wife, Annette, stayed friends. "We were Big Don's friends because everyone (BSA, his family, & us) made an effort to stay in touch. We remained friends over the past 20 years due to efforts to make friendship last." Gary said, "People with disabilities are still people and want what everyone wants: to be loved and valued." Larry Brumwell, another staff person, said, "Big Don was always smiling and laughing and loved playing a good joke on someone. He had a great sense of humor, which made everyone love him."
Big Don's family took up half the church; it's impressive, considering no one lives in Big Sandy. The truth is they were always here. They wanted him at every one of their family events. Big Don attended weddings, family reunions, and a cruise to Alaska. Five display boards of pictures were on display at his funeral. His sister Karen believes the family is so close because they were so close in age. They are just such an incredible family. All siblings, cousins, nieces, and nephews were there-just a super positive family. The family came from Oklahoma, Phoenix, and Alaska. They came for 24 years to visit and be involved in Big Don's life! In a world where so many families are disconnected, Don's family's commitment was incredible.
Janice, Big Don's sister, said, "I think this staff in Big Sandy are wonderful. I've been very, very impressed with the staff care and individual treatment. They care about each one of the residents individually. And I think, you know, that becomes part of a family. Big Don had a family here. I love visiting with his staff. I mean, it was just like visiting with family." Another staff person said, "He needed help. He needed someone to love him here and be the family that couldn't be around him daily, so he had other support. I just fell in love with the guy."
The staff received a letter with the following comments. "Our Big Sandy Family mourns the loss and celebrates the life of Big Son. During my time visiting with him over the years and during his final days, I have been humbled to watch you all care for him in a manner that went above and beyond the role of "staff" in a group home. I was truly blessed by your love and care for him in real, tangible ways. I have also witnessed your grief over his departure. I believe this is why the job you do is so important. It is a calling to care for those who are precious. All of you provided Big Don with a good life, surrounded by laughter and friends. In his last days, you continued to surround him with love and care. You gave him dignity in his daily life as well as in his last days. Thank you for loving Big Don with your actions, jokes, time, and commitment."
