Mary was living in Kalispell, and Nathan was farming here. They met through a mutual friend who was visiting Mary. Mary said, "He thought Nathan and I would hit it off and be great friends, basically because we were both the only ones in our friend group from the state of Montana. He figured we should meet since we both live here in Montana. So one time, when he was over at my house, and I wasn't paying any attention to my computer, he jumped onto my Facebook and friended Nathan. Nathan thought I had friended him and was excited about meeting me. So, he sent me a message asking if we could hang out at some point. In telling the story, Nathan said, "No, it didn't happen like that," Mary said she was trying to condense it. Nathan said, "What I said to you was, well, now that we're friends on Facebook, we should at least get to know each other.
They messaged back and forth, just lightly getting to know each other, and then he decided he could come over to Kalispell, meet, and they could hang out. He drove over to the house for a weekend to hang out with my two kids, me, and some friends of mine. We went rock climbing. He jumped into rock climbing with my friends and me without any previous experience; I thought he was at least worth giving a shot as a friend because he was willing to try new things."
He came home to Big Sandy and told his mother that although he had never believed in love at first sight before, he did now.
Mary continued, "This is our 15th year." They talked about what is important in a marriage. "It's concentrating on certain aspects you only have in your marriage. It was a really long, hard go, getting married with two kids previously and then having a kid out of the gate who was, like, dying for two years. It was a tough 10 years; I think the last five years have been solid. I think we can do this and move forward. We can make this work."
Nathan said, "The most important thing is to compromise, compromise, compromise." Mary said, "Find somebody that will kiss you in public once in a while. When I think about our relationship, there's a song by Zach Bryan, "Sun to Me," that, for the last couple of years, every time I hear it, I'm like, that's exactly what Nathan does for me. The line in the song goes, 'Find someone who grows flowers in the darkest parts of you.' That's what my husband has done for me. It makes me a better person, making our relationship stronger, and better parents.
A couple of years ago, they started giving time to themselves. "We started because life worked out right. People have to look at what could make it work. But for us, it was like our kids did Rock School, so for two hours a night once a week, we went on a date night. It doesn't happen all the time, but it started happening, and then it started us prioritizing."
Mary told me about the Rule of Seven, which describes how to successfully still like your spouse. "It's the best! Have a simple date every seven days, go on one overnight date every seven weeks, and go on a week-long getaway together every seven months. That's kind of what we're doing, and what we're doing is really working for us."
