On June 5, 2012, my wife, daughter, and I drove into Big Sandy for the first time. A couple of months later, Robbie Lucke interviewed us for a story on “the new pastor in town.” After our conversation, he asked me to consider writing a weekly column, which I agreed to with a great deal of excitement. After 13 years of pastoring in our little community, writing Patching Cracks, and in the neighborhood of 6 years as a regular reporter for the paper, I am going to indulge myself by sharing a little of what I have learned and seen from our community. I’m doing this now because I’ve nearly reached the point that I’ve lived here longer than anywhere I stayed in my life. Big Sandy is my home and I hope to stay here for the rest of my days.
Throughout my life as a Christian, I’ve read about great pastors. Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Augustine were among men that I lionized in my understanding of what it meant to do the work I do. Big Sandy is giving me a very different perspective on what made them (and every other great pastor I have read about) truly great. They all truly, deeply loved the people that they worked with. My years here have taught me to love this community and the people in it. There have been times I’ve considered leaving in frustration or hurt. In the end, I never could or would because I believe God has called me to be here, but also because I genuinely love the people God put in front of me to serve. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is in the gospel of John. In the end of the book, Peter is restored by Jesus after denying he knew Christ three times. The way Jesus restores him is by asking him three times “Peter, do you truly love me?” Each time Peter replied, “Yes Lord. You know I love you!” And every time, Jesus would answer: “Feed my sheep.” For a long time, I puzzled over exactly what that meant. Big Sandy has taught me that loving Jesus is loving the people that He loves. Taking care of the ones that Jesus died for. It is more than just a feeling that you have toward other people. That’s part of it, but it’s deeper than that. It’s about a life orientation in which you seek the betterment of the other person over your own.
I’m not really sure how to explain how pastoring a community has taught me to love in that way. I’ve sat with folks as they mourned the death of family members. I’ve also visited in the hospital and held newborns. I’ve talked couples through their marriage difficulties. I’ve offered advice when they were struggling or depressed. I could go on and on about all of the deeply personal life moments that I’ve been a part of. Sometimes, it feels embarrassing to be a near stranger and to be present for such private moments. Every time, I walk away with a weight on me for those folks, and I pray for them and worry over them, sometimes for years. The longer I’ve done it, the more attachment and affection I have grown for the people that God loves in this town.
I don’t know if it’s fair to call that a lesson. It’s more of a training and how to be a better pastor and follower of Jesus. Almost everything else I’ve learned in the time I’ve been here has grown out of that. For example, I’ve learned that it’s always best to forgive quickly. I’ve always understood that on an intellectual level. However, I’ve discovered that you can’t really love people if you resent them. In fact, you can’t really love like Jesus if you carry around bitterness in your soul. There’s simply no upside to holding on to anger or keeping debts on your relationship ledger.
Another lesson I have learned is that it is fairly easy to let go of injury from others, but it is far more difficult to forgive myself when I make mistakes. And I make a lot of them. When I screw up in one way or another, and through my carelessness or lack of wisdom, injure someone else, it is difficult to let go of the fact that
